I finally told my mum that the focus she put on weight/weightloss when I was younger has had an effect on my obsession with perfection and losing weight. And also that I don’t feel like she has really ever just told me I’m beautiful as I am or anything like that, there has always been room for improvement in my mum’s eyes.
She told me I was selfish for thinking that of her and said I was being ridiculous and insulting and then she told me to get out of her house.
(There was a lot more conversation/argument before I brought this up by the way)
I’ve told myself that I hate myself and that I’m fat and disgusting about 50 times today. I made myself vomit up food that I’d binged on to the point that my stomach was visibly full. I don’t know what to do anymore, the constant fight against myself is so tiring and time consuming, I just can’t handle it. I wish it would stop.